Prayers for Mercy

I talked to my grandma on the phone earlier.

It wasn't her sweet, melodic "mmmhello" I've heard all my life. Although, I can still create it in my mind.

I asked her how she was feeling and she responded, "tortured".

This lady has been a large part of my life as long as I can remember.
She took care of me since I came home from the hospital. If you ask her she practically raised me. :)
She loves to tell the story of how one day I called her mom and she said, "No, I'm Grandma." I replied, "No, you're my second mom."  

When I cut the end of my pinky finger off, she told me she got me a present.
It was a tiny little black bear and I adored it.
When my belly hurt, she told me she had something special for me. It was a jar of juice with a straw in it. I felt so special.
She has always done so much with so little.

Time has been such a blessing. We have had the opportunity to make such amazing memories with her since last April. An opportunity that many do not get.

But I have watched as she has needed more and more assistance.
As she went from walking independently to walking with a walker to a wheelchair.
I witnessed her being able to stand less and less to not at all.
Her favorite crafts became harder and harder until she could not see to complete them.
I have watched her appetite dissipate and strength dwindle.
I saw afternoon naps grow longer and longer, taking over the morning.
I have watched her oxygen saturation drop and her confusion and pain grow.

I am not saying I would trade a minute with her for one without. I'm saying it has been hard, especially for her.

As I watch this woman I admire ache and her coherency fade it has been extremely difficult not to question the purpose. What purpose is her suffering serving?

I don't know it. I probably never will. God does.

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing us for an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison. 
2 Corinthians 4:16, 17

I try to carry this with me. Weak moments make me forget.
It is such a comfort to know that while I see her hurting, God continues to renew her.
The pain and struggling I am witnessing is preparing her for ETERNITY, with Him.
An eternity neither you nor I can comprehend.
One that will fulfill all her desires and take away every pain.
An end that will beyond justify the means.
In His perfect time.

The  other night as I laid one of the most influential people in my life down to sleep, I felt incredibly privileged to care for the woman who so lovingly cared for me.

Therefore, I reluctantly put my selfishness and desires aside and pray for mercy.

I pray for her to go home.

Lifestyles of the poor and married - take 1

As far as date night goes, Michael and I are not that creative. 

We like movies. 

We like food. 

Occasionally, we like bowling.

But mainly movies. 

Michael and I are currently in super save mode in hopes of buying a house soon. 

Which means we are pinching every penny. 

We budgeted zero dollars for entertainment for January.

 I am so BORED.

Seriously, I almost want to slap Netflix in the face.

(I could never do that, we have gotten too close.)

So, we decided to be creative and come up with ideas to improve our chilly evenings indoors. 

Which leads up to our first economical escapade.

Michael had been asking for cookies for days. 

Rather than me being in the kitchen for 30 minutes by myself, we blindfolded Michael and I gave him instructions to make the cookies.

This was seriously so much fun. 

…and slightly dangerous...

…and really messy…

 Michael is really good at cracking eggs blindfolded.

I wish that was a more transferable skill. 

Michael kept telling me I had to stop shoving cookie dough in his mouth without telling him. 

"I CAN'T SEE!"

He looks so happy. 

Victory!

I had to clean up the mess since I was the guide.

The cookies were actually quite tasty and we got a lot of laughs out of them! 

DIY: Photo Wreath

Let's be real, I didn't come up with this idea. A Pinterest innovation found HERE.

It is such an easy and cute idea! But I found myself wondering what to use to attach the clothes pin? How far apart do I put the clothes pins? Should I paint it? Or even better... age it! 

So here is what you need:

clothes pins
piece of cardboard
box opener
hot glue gun
pencil
Optional: paint or stain

Step 1:
This step depends on whether you want to leave your clothes pins natural or paint them.  I aged them! If you would like a vintage or rustic look, you can learn how to age your clothes pins HERE.
Let clothes pins dry while completing Step 2, allow to dry completely before continuing to Step 3.

Step 2:
Decide how big of a photo wreath you want. This will determine the size of cardboard you need. I wanted mine to be a good size. Therefore, I need a bigger piece.
I used two different sized bowls, one inside the other to trace an outline on the cardboard. I made mine 1 inch thick. For the larger one I made it 1.5 inches thick. Using the box opener to cut around the outside circle and inside circle.



Step 3:
Once the clothes pins are dry, you are ready to plug in the hot glue gun.
I wouldn't suggest doing this on your lap while wearing shorts... I now have an icky scar.

In order to decide how far apart to glue the clothes pins I laid them out for the smaller one, forming a circle in the middle with the tips. This is harder to do for a larger one.  I glued those one had a time, .5 inch apart turning as I went to keep the correct angle.

Apply glue to back of clothes pin and place on cardboard one at a time.

And that's all folks! 

I have to say, I like the bigger one way better with the clothes pins closer together.

The little one worked to share with you though!

I painted my dresser blue and distressed it. 

I used some of the blue paint on the finished large photo wreath, just on the edges!

Have fun and make it your own!

A very, very NEW year

The special thing about this New Year was not how I spent it. I spend it the same every year... sleeping so that I can wake up early and count inventory at our grocery store with my best friend. Last night I practiced crocheting, watched the ball drop at 11 with grandma, and then went to bed. I didn't even get to see or kiss my handsome hunk.

This monotony is refreshing as I look forward to what is sure to be one exciting and life changing year, literally. It is overwhelming all the unknowns ahead of Michael and I. My plan ends May 17, 2014. 

I know that I will enjoy my last winter break for the next three weeks. Then I will return to class for 8 weeks, then on to Springfield for my last clinical at Mercy outpatient pediatrics. I will return to Columbia for my graduation and then....

...

...

...

I don't know.

Those dots are incredibly scary to me...and exciting... but seriously daunting.

I have been a student for a super long time. I went to preschool; therefore, all but four years of my life have been spent in school. I know how to study for tests and write a killer paper. I really don't know how not to do homework in the evening. I love running in the middle of the day and napping between classes. And I seriously do not understand when people who work full time get hair cut or go the bank. Or how they get anything done in the evenings besides forming a beautiful butt imprint on the couch. 

Also, this "job" I will hopefully have, where will it be? Michael and I have spent almost 7 years in Columbia. We have a church we love, a bible study that has helped us grow, and great friends. I love the trails and Michael loves his job. We love the atmosphere that comes with being a part of Mizzou. But ever since I left for college I have always looked forward to a time I could be closer to my family. To be able to have a weeknight dinner with my brothers, sisters in law, and Leah and Zach. For the most important people in my life to be in my every day life. And so this question plagues me; where in the world will we be in 5 short months?

There will be so many doors opened this year. The things I kept responding with "after school", "once I finish school", etc., are now actual possibilities and expectations. 

For example... buying a house... having a baby. 

I'm going to be honest, I cannot wait to be a mom and for Michael to be a dad, but it is scary!

I was talking to my brother awhile back about having a baby, it went like this:

Me: "I just love having this time with Michael. You know, being able to go get ice cream whenever we want. We're not going to be able to do things like that when we have children."

Brother: "You take your kid to get ice cream."

Me: "Huh. Yeah, see I'm not ready.."

I'm so selfish! If your priorities are 1. ice cream 2. children... surely you are not ready... HA!

On a serious note, I am so excited at the thought of starting our family. Just the fact that this is could actually happen in the next year seems so surreal. 

What next New Years will look like is a complete and utter mystery.

Reflecting on this I am reminded that this is truly a season to discover God more, to rely on God more, to trust Him more. 

In the midst of all the change and unknown Michael and I will encounter in the next year, God is unwavering.

Okay 2014, here we go :)

Boone doesn't like change either. So, he is just going to cover his eyes...

With his ears...