Want

In the past few weeks as things we have prayed for and longed for have been given to us I have realized something that is always with me...

I am in a constant state of want.

I want my body to look a certain way. I want to be liked. I want the world's approval.

I want for things.  I want new shoes and running clothes. I want this kitchen gadget and that book. I want a nice house with hardwood floors and granite counter tops.

I want to do things. I want to go see this movie and eat at this restaurant. I want to vacation on a beach. I want to run races. I want to go on mission trips.

I want romance. I want Michael to fill me up and make me whole.

I want for the past. I want to be a little girl who plays doctor with my cockerspaniel in the yard. I want to be 15 and meet Michael all over again. I want to be 17 and not wreck my car. I want to return to a time when I didn't know what taxes were and didn't have to be financially responsible.

I want for the future. I want this dog to know what heal means. I want to buy a house. I want to graduate. I want to be a physical therapist. I want to meet our babies and bake cookies and throw birthday parties.

And when I get something I want, I find something else to want.

I am in a constant state of longing.

It is overwhelming to face to the fact that I will never be fully satisfied. I will want and want and want and I will get and get and get.  And yet, my wanting will never cease.

My new job will not fill the hole. Our future home will not curb my cravings.

I was made this way.  In order to demonstrate my need for something, for someone greater.
Until I want for Him the way I want for the things of this world, I will never be full.

All my life long I had panted
  For a draught from some cool spring,
That I hoped would quench the burning
  Of the thirst I felt within

.
Hallelujah! I have found Him

Whom my soul so long has craved!
Jesus satisfies all my longings;
  Through His life I now am saved.