Food. My best frienemy.

I love food.

I love to cook for my husband. I love to bake treats to make people feel special. 

I love to eat treats to make me feel special. :)

BUT

 I struggle very much with my body image.  This struggle changes my relationship with food into destructive patterns. All of sudden food is my enemy and not the fuel required to power the body God has given me.  The body He made so very functional and talented and healthy.  

The body I see so very differently when I look into the mirror.

The way I see my body is not pleasing to the Lord.  

Nor is the way I perseverate on its image.

 A day can be a complete failure based on the way I ate.  

If I lose control and do not eat well I go to bed angry and hating myself. 

Consequently I take it out on my husband, feeling as if he must preceive me the same way. 

I punish myself the next day asking my body to operate and exercise on inappropriate amounts of fuel.

Then when it becomes too much or I am upset by the way I look, I eat something bad for me and I hate myself. And it all starts again.

  I worry about how I am being perceived. 

Do they think I'm fat?

 Do they think I'm lazy? 

Is someone counting these cookies?

 Will I be seen as a failure for my extra pounds? 

And if I don't find myself attractive I think there is no way Michael will and I turn away from his comforting arms. 

It not only occupies my thoughts, but my conversations, especially with those closest to me. I am confident that Michael and Dana tire easily of my constant beratement of myself.

 Their love for me is only a fracture of the one who created me. 

The one who made this body. 

The body I constantly berate.

How much more does it hurt the Lord to hear the harshness I use towards my body?

When I put so much time towards how I look and provide so much conscious thought and measure of myself into what I see in the mirror or what others see when they look at me..Precious time I could be investing in my relationship with God.

I AM MISSING IT.

I AM MISSING HIM.

This epiphany does not mean my destructive habits will change over night. 

 It does not mean that I will not still obsess or make bad choices.

 But I recognize my sin and destructive patterns.

And I do not have to face them alone.  

Thank God. (Literally :) )

In order to take the focus off what my body looks like and focus on making healthier decisions for the body God created, I planned an eat clean week for Michael and I.

Now, I know said week but that does not mean that at the end of the week we got to binge on terrible food.  This was not a crash course week, it was a step towards making healthier decisions all the time, while not defining myself by those decisions.

We found a lot of yummy recipes that packed full of nutrients and protein without a lot of calories!

Michael and I were both surprised how good they were and I would love to share them with you.

Pay your body back for all the mean things you said about it, it can hear you!

If you do not go to Aldi's, you seriously need to go to Aldi's. 

All the food pictured below fed us for an entire week. 

FOR $50!!!!

Dinner 1: Shrimp with Avocado-Mango Salsa

 Changes: I did not use cilantro cause I think it is icky. 

Instead of tomatoes and the chile pepper I used a fourth of a can of medium rotel.  It gave it a little kick!

LOVED this recipe. It was so good and filling, neither of us had room for the green beans!

Dinner 2: Hummus Crusted Chicken and Vegetables

 Changes: I used a million chicken breasts and baked them in a separate dish so we had lunch all week!
I also used whatever veggies I could find. I layered the bottom of the dish with spinach and put carrots, zucchini, broccoli, and onions on top. (Just had to spell check spelling for every single vegetable. Fail.)

 Michael said this was the best chicken he had ever had!

Dinner 3: Turkey & Quinoa Taco Lettuce Wraps

THESE WERE AWESOME!

I had set out tortilla chips and salsa for a treat and we didn't even eat them.

Changes: I added black beans to the meat mixture when it was almost complete and instead of tomatoes in the meat mixture I had the left over medium Rotel from the shrimp. 

I used romaine hearts for the lettuce.

Michael's were a little large and got a little out of control :)

 Dinner 4: Spaghetti Squash Spaghetti and Edamame.

This is so easy! Michael was so surprised that it was so tasty. 

When I told him we were having spaghetti he goes, 

"What's the catch? There is always a catch now." 

Buy a spaghetti squash. Cut it in half. Scrape out seeds. 

Fill bottom half with water. Put other half back on. 

Microwave 15 min. Let cool for 3-5 min.  Scrape with fork. 

Top with spaghetti sauce and a sprinkle of parmesan.  BAM!

Edamame: Steam-able bag, sprinkle sea salt on pods. 

This is the best healthy snack EVER! Boom Chicka Pop lightly sweet kettle corn. GET SOME.

 

We ate treats too. 

I have to accept the fact that eating this way is not the end all be all. 

I can eat not healthy things and not hate myself for it. 

I can eat not healthy things and still be a healthy person.

But most importantly, what I eat and how I look is not a measure of who I am... 

not in God's eyes, 

not in my closest friend's eyes, 

and not in my own.