Drum roll please...

Not a fan of change. Or the unknown. I'm too controlling and too much of a planner.

Change and the unknown highlight my weaknesses, and more importantly, my inability to rely on God.

We narrowed down our future place of living to Columbia or Springfield.

Michael has a good job. We love Columbia and our church. I loved my clinical at Rusk and there is an opening I have applied and interviewed for. A pediatric job opened up in Jeff City with a third of the caseload being adult neuro. Two of my best friends are staying in Columbia.

Moving to southwest Missouri means Michael finding a new job, finding a new church, possibly settling for a job that isn't my first choice, and more likely than not, I won't see my family as often as I have envisioned.

But I have always pictured us moving closer to my family. Weeknight dinners with my brothers and their families, my nephews coming over on the weekends, lunches with my best friend, and Michael and I starting a new adventure in a different city.

After speaking with a great friend and spiritual leader we had a great talk. Michael asked me how I saw us serving God with our marriage, what I truly pictured for the next 30 years.  This was difficult for me because I know that regardless of where we go, God goes with us. I know that we can perform God's will wherever we live.  But Michael shared with me his vision.

His vision of my presence in my family's life, growing our relationships with them and God. His own vision of being an example and constant in Little Keith, Blaike, Brady, Quade, Madison, Parker, and Sofia's lives.

I never respected or loved that man more.

Michael was going to take Boone for a walk while I went for a run. We were to use this time to pray about our future. When we saw each other afterwards we would count to three and say stay or move.

I prayed throughout my run that God would align Michael and I's desires with His. About half way through I sat down on a bench and I realized my true selfishness.

In the past month I have been so selfish. I have been too caught up in my own feelings of despair to ask God to take them. To ask for God's guidance.

I have been so focused on what I have pictured for my life that I have been willing to settle for the version in my head. Honestly, I didn't want to give up control of what our life is going to look like. God's plan may not be a pediatric therapist near my family with a house full of kids.  I wasn't ready to face that. I wasn't ready to trade my wants for His greater plan.  How foolish we sinners are.

I can see my inability to give God control and yield to His leadership in my marriage and struggle to submit to Michael. I innately refuse to be led. I realized God showed me what a true opportunity this was to place my faith, not only in His leadership, but also in Michael's. To truly demonstrate submission, allowing God to work in Michael's heart and yielding to his decisions.

So, I prayed, and I surrendered. I surrendered my ideas of what my life is suppose to look like.

I prayed for Michael. That God would guide His heart and I would stay out of the way.

I prayed that I would seek God's leadership. That I would seek Michael's leadership.
That for once, I would follow.

When we got in the car Michael counted to three...

1..

2..

3..

Michael: Move
Me: Yes

Where you go, I go.

Isaiah 6:8
And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Who shall I send, and who will go for us?" Then I said, "Here am I Lord! Send me!"

Happy Birthday to Me!

Birthdays are weird. "Oh my gosh, you were born? Way to go!" 

Just kidding.

But seriously, we spend a whole day celebrating ourselves and everyone else does to. 

Honestly, I LOVE IT. I love my birthday, I love my loved ones' birthdays, I love making people feel special, and, of course, I love feeling special.  

But I didn't do anything special. I was born. Thanks to God, and this pretty lady. 

I'm not going to stop doing whatever I can to make my peoples' birthdays special, but I think it is just as important to celebrate and thank God for the gift that their life is.  

And on our birthdays, to celebrate the God that created and sustains our life. 

Michael's prayer at dinner reminded me of this.  

Of course, we can't forget the other people that made us.  Happy silver anniversary mom and dad!!

Birthday part one initiated when my mom came to Columbia on Saturday, and you know what that means, SHOPPING!!!

There is nothing better than shopping with mom, besides the obvious perks... like being completely spoiled... I love spending all day with her. 

Check out my new mascara by Make Up Forever! 

We all took Boone to the dog park so Mom could see him be a scaredy dog. It was beautiful afternoon.

We went to dinner at Bleu. Afterwards we watched Captain Phillips. I fell asleep. Who does that?! 

Birthday part two began when Boone walked over the top of me to get to Michael who was trying to give me a present.

My husband is always trying to give me the moon.  I have no doubt he would if he could. 

I'm not sure what has convinced this man that I am worthy, cause I know and the Lord knows, I am not. 

He always go above and beyond... and yet he feels like he never does enough. 

So I share this with you because he is amazing and I want him to know it.  

I would have never asked for a Kindle. I asked for a pair of running capris after running in Weaubleau and getting taken to the pavement by a Rotweiller.

He got me those, and a matching shirt, and something too extravagant I never even thought to ask for it. He blesses me. (Thank you, husband, I truly do love it and appreciate you!)

Since grandma passed away I have lost all mental strength when running.  In running, mental strength is just as important as physical strength and endurance.  Dana and I are training for a half in April. 

My runs haven't been going well. 

I want to stop a lot. I have no endurance. My legs and body feel heavy. I loose my breath quickly if I start to get emotional. I pray a lot when I'm running. When praying for my mom or healing I would easily lose my breath.  Then I would stop and feel guilty for quitting, for holding Dana back. 

This past week I ran alone. Focusing only on not stopping. 

It was so hard. 

After two miles I found myself wanting to stop. I didn't. I talked and talked myself out of it.  I prayed. 

I was really scared of the 10 miler I had coming this weekend.  So much so that I put it off until Monday, even though I now have to squeeze all my runs together for this week. 

I did it. Slowly but surely. With no stopping, a lot of prayers, an encouraging birthday text from Dana, and a few rounds of singing "Happy Birthday" to myself.  Most importantly, I enjoyed it. Thank you, God.

I was disgusting and covered in salt, but Michael met me for recovery, birthday smoothies! 

(I look certifiable in this picture, but my husband looks absolutely, down right dreamy!!)

Seriously, look at that hunk?!

For my birthday, Boone destroyed my favorite bra. As Michael pointed out, he always goes for the stuffing.... (ouch)

So Dana and I went bra shopping. (Thanks, Dad!) 

I got one without "stuffing" in hopes of it's survival.  Let's be real, I don't have a large chest. 

And that's okay with me!

Then Dana and I got pedicures! Happy March Birthdays to Us!

Jacie, a classmate, got a cool cookie cake last week and I secretly really wanted one.
My other half must be so in tune with me that she knew. :) She got me the best cookie cake ever!!

I treasure her, and not just for the cookie cake. I can't thank God enough for her presence in my life.

Michael and I went to dinner at my favorite restaurant, Babbo's Spaghetteria.

A while back Dana and I visited Michael at work and he asked what was for dinner. I said spaghetti and out of no where, "Let's lady and tramp this b****." 

I love Jesus. Sometimes I cuss. This was oddly one of those times.

Lady and tramping that b*****.

A nearby old lady offered to take our picture and called us adorable. HA.

We returned home to a delicious birthday cake made by Michael.

I wanted to play games. We played chess and Yahtzee. After losing both ON MY BIRTHDAY and acting like a 5-year-old, game night was over.

I keep all my cards. Thinking I would have to dig for the one I wanted I sat down on the floor and opened the lid of my card box, but the first one I saw read, "Happy Birthday Granddaughter."

I'll always be her "silly goose".

What a great day.

Thank you, God.

See Boone grow.

Boone Wilson

weighing in at 40 pounds

at 4 months of age.

Boone has been such a fun adventure. (Meet Boone here.) He is full of exorbitant amounts of energy that he uses for all kinds of shenanigans. Like eating my Sperry's,

and my Garmin watch,

and my phone case, 

and my hats, 

and my lunch box, 

and on occasion his own toys. 

I can't wait until he can run with me. He needs an outlet for his energy. Obviously.

We tried crating him.  Crates are suppose to be effective because they will not poop where they sleep. His own feces would not detour him.

This happened every.single.time. 

So, we tried a gate to keep him restricted to the kitchen. 

Which, obviously did not contain him. 

So, we bought two gates.

And sometimes that didn't contain him. 

He has now graduated to restriction to the kitchen and living room. HE IS POTTY TRAINED! Hallelujah.  Michael was mopping an ocean size puddle in front of the kitchen sink at lunch time and I mopped every day when I got home. It was a glamorous life. But he is a big boy now. :)

Boone rings a bell when he needs to go outside. I use the word need loosely, Boone LOVES being outside, he rings it a lot! It has been super helpful, and only slightly infuriating.

We try to work with him at least 10 minutes once or twice a day on specific commands. (Lately, it has been more like once or twice a week...awful parents. Hopefully kids will only need training once or twice a week.)

 He knows sit, stay, shake, and come. Lay down is still a foreign concept.

Boone and Layla are always questionable. He runs her over a lot. Bites her ears a lot. Layla yelps a lot.  This was a turning point!

This may have been staged.

Sometimes they cuddle, and I stop breathing in hopes of not disturbing this rare occasion.

I'm still holding out hope that one day they will be best friends.

There was about a week while Layla was in heat that she LOVED him. He would bite her and she would whisper yelp and not run. It was weird and gross. 

"Layla, stop humping your brother!" 

Thankfully, that is over. We are back to Layla yelping when he is near.

His best friend is Rory, Dana and Eric's lab. The only other dog that will really play with him. When we went over a few weeks, they SERIOUSLY played. We got home and Boone slept through the whole night.

Boone loved the dog park.

When we went home, Boone loved to sleep at Grandma's feet. 

This was the morning she passed. 

Boone was a big fan of Christmas. 

Not such a big fan of baths.

Boone's first experience with a rawhide bone lasted 4 hours. Four GLORIOUS hours.

Boone loves his bed. He gets lonely in the middle of the night, he used to cry and paw at our bed. Now he just sneaks on up and into bed with us.  He is a really good cuddler, which is a really, really bad thing for our future.

See Boone grow:

This dog is an ornery mess, and he is all ours. :)