Day 18

07/25/2015

Today was a great day.

I almost don’t know how to describe it. The feelings I felt were not any of the ones I expected. Everything came together so well.

I loved spoiling her baby with headband crafts and funny diapers for her parents. I loved watching Dana open her gifts and oohhhing and ahhhing, and meaning it. I loved seeing all these people pour out love on Dana and baby girl. I loved that I loved being there.

I loved feeling her baby move and getting to spend time with my best friend and talk with her in person for the first time about Baby.

Today was not about me. I didn’t think I could put my hurt aside. God did something better, He made it okay for my hurt and my happiness to coexist. He made me care less about myself and more about someone else.

There is no part of my wildest imagination that thinks I would be capable of this on my own. I did not dig down deep and find the strength. My evil nature would have said screw you and wallowed in self-pity.  Which is exactly what I was afraid would happen at the shower. However, God heard me. He heard my friends praying for me.

When I was in the dark place, the thought that kept me from giving up on the shower completely was the idea that I couldn’t not go. I refused to miss out on this time of her life.

I am so thankful for the way God worked in my heart. To change me and make me less like me.

God may have thrown me in this pit, but He is here with me. He is working on getting me out.