The Baby Section

08/15/2015

I went in a baby section today. I have been avoiding them like the plague, for obvious uterus wrenching reasons.

Mom and I were walking through Kohl’s and my best friend had mentioned how baby girl didn’t have anything in newborn sizes. I noticed all these clearance signs and was turning before I could comprehend it. Then I was saying out loud, “Oh no, oh no, I’m in the baby section. I’m going in. Oh, no, that hurts. I’m doing it. I’m in a baby section. Oh, that hurts. My uterus is actually hurting…” And I went on like that for the entirety of the excursion through the baby section.

The uterus pain stayed. I realized it was the same feeling I get before I start my period. I eagerly await seeing two lines again. The day we grow our family again. That journey begins with the return of my cycle.

I have dreaded it. Dreaded the very tangible, painful reminder that baby is gone.

Today, the thought of cherishing the life we lost while looking forward to God creating life again lessens the dread. And I pray to not have to wait for it come.