A House is A House

We have been house shopping!

This includes looking at a lot of houses. Thinking we have found the one, only to walk out the door and find out it sold an hour before.

I have day-dreamed and imagined us in each house. I know exactly what I want in our house from the floors to the color of the kitchen cabinets.

I have had to wrestle with what is truly important about our future house. And what is not.

I can honestly, and ashamedly, say that I have spent an ungodly amount of time in the past few weeks thinking about and pouring myself and cares into our future home.

I have agonized about the large decision weighing over us. I have been disappointed about houses that have finishes that are not my first choice.  Disappointed to a point that I was no longer looking forward to a house of our own.

I have made this house my God.

It has determined my happiness.

I have looked for it to satisfy me.

As we do so many things of this world.

Significant others.

Romance.

A job. 

A new place to live. 

None of these things, not the love of my life, not serving others in my job, not moving to a new city, not having the best friends in the world, not the way I look, not the weight I lose (or gain)...
will bring me happiness apart from Christ. 

How many time have I thought...
"If I could just get this or have that.. then I will truly be happy..."

When I get engaged...

After I get married...

When I get into PT school...

When I have a job...

When we have a house..

Happiness in this world is elusive. This world is temporary, as are all things I want for. Everything apart of Christ is temporary.

17The world is passing away, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God lives forever.

1 John 2:17

If my joy is not found in the Lord, I will never have true joy.



What the heck does that look like?!

I mean, that sounds all well and good, and I KNOW these things to be true...

but how do I live like they are true?

I will pray.

At the end of the day I am more like this world than I am like Christ and I can do nothing on my own to change that.

As crazy as it sounds, I will ask God to make my longings to be for Him. Not people or possessions or accomplishments.

I will pray to see the things of this world for what they are: temporary and fleeting

Michael is my husband. He is not supposed to complete me.

My job is a method to bring God glory and share His love, not fulfill me.

A house is a house.

It is a worldly thing. The color of the cabinets have no bearing on eternity.

God's will, to love and live in communion with Him, can be fulfilled regardless

the people around us,

the hurt inside of us,

the checks we cash,

the work we do,

and

the walls that surrounds us.

Four Years Ago Today

Four years ago today Leah and I were driving out to the church camp where I met Michael 6 years  earlier.  

We almost got hit by a semi. 

But we made it to the church... good thing I'm not superstitous.

That day was beautiful and romantic. 

As I look back through our four years of marraige, I can't help but notice how different that day is from our day to day marriage. 

Being short with each other after a long day, watching movies on a computer screen in bed, eating tuna noodle casserole for lunch and dinner for days, living in a 2 bedroom apartment with a moose... these scenes are not romantic. They are not moments that anyone wants to capture in a photograph. 

For as beautiful as that day was, facing life with this man, as imperfect as it may be, has been the best adventure. 

So, here is to four years ago today, and the many days that look nothing like it that lay ahead. 

Thank God for this man. 

Back to... Blog

Well, it's back to school time and guess who isn't going for the first time in 20 years...

THAT'D BE ME!

Since we haven't talked in a month, let me get you up to date.

We started building a house in Republic.

We realized we didn't want to live in Republic and stopped building the house. 

Now I just have a lot of pictures of someone else's future house...

We found an awesome burger place in Springfield. 

I know what you are thinking, is that fried cheese on a burger? Why yes, yes it is.

And I ate the whole thing.

We welcomed my neice Zoe René to the world. 

A friend shared this quote by C.S. Lewis:

In friendship...we think we have chosen our peers. In reality a few years' difference in the dates of our births, a few more miles between certain houses, the choice of one university instead of another...the accident of a topic being raised or not raised at a first meeting--any of these chances might have kept us apart. But, for a Christian, there are, strictly speaking no chances. A secret master of ceremonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the disciples, "Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you," can truly say to every group of Christian friends, "Ye have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another." The friendship is not a reward for our discriminating and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each of us the beauties of others.

Because God chose Leah and I to be intricate tools in each others' lives...

I get to be this precious girl's aunt. 

How cool is that??

Boone is still a doofus. 

I solved an impossible puzzle.

Oh, and I PASSED MY BOARDS!!!!!

What an emotional, faith finding journey waiting for those results was! 

When I finished my test I was filled with anxiety. I expected there to be relief, there was none. I had taken the entire five hours. I had second guessed myself on numerous questions. I described it as feeling like I had been mugged and had nothing to give them. 

I called my dad and he asked how it went. I asked him if he remembered the time after my physics test when I called him bawling and that it was way worse than that. I got 45% on that test...

That first day all I could think about was the many people expecting me to pass, and how I could have possibly let everyone down. I understood that being anxious did no good. I understood that I needed to trust God. And I understood that I was openly choosing not to. 

On my way to work the next morning I heard the song "While I Wait". The chorus goes like this: 

And I will move ahead bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting I will serve You
While I'm waiting I will worship
While I'm waiting I will not faint
I'll be running the race even while I wait

Conviction overwhelmed me. My anxiety, my fear of failure, my blantant disregard for God's plan was not serving Him. God had given me an opportunity to trust Him and His plan, an opportunity to relinquish control. I actively chose not to. I had truly failed.  

I had known that regardless of whether I failed or passed, God had planned it. I had struggled and struggled, refusing to be okay if the plan was for me to fail. I was wrestling with God, just like Jacob. I had to learn to fear God more than I feared failure.

I prayed for each of my little patients. I witnessed the first time a baby crawled and mother's joyful tears. And I couldn't imagine not being able to do my job.

It was while I was getting ready for work the next morning that I was again convicted by what little confidence I had in God. I failed to recognize the path He had forged, the many opportunities He had granted me to be a physical therapist. I may be able to doubt my own abilities, but what the Lord had done was unquestionable. He is faithful.

He is worthy of praise. Pass or fail, He is good.

Now that I am truly no longer a student... I'm going to become an extreme couponer. 

My sister is showing me the ropes. I got all this for $13! (Sorry about displaying the lady gear.)

So, now I'm going to read books and cut coupons and paint my nails and not study and bake cookies and maybe, buy a house. Or build one. Maybe, have some babies. Who knows? Only God knows. 

And that's just fine with me. :)